I am starting to come back around. I have been in a funk over the last few days with the realization that the job at Richard's company may not materialize. The funk is starting to lift. I am now stuck somewhere between the two choices of seriously looking for something else, or just plugging along here. I am tilting towards looking for something else. I need to find out what it is exactly that I want to do and then I need to design a plan to get there.

That issue though has really been central to my physce for a long time. I really do not know where I want to go. I don't think it is here. There is no way for me to leave where I am though without knowing where I want to go. Some people may be able to remain stationary, but I am not one of those people, so I feel the urge to move forward. The problem is that I do not know where I want to move too, so I get frustrated. I constantly try to reinvent myself but never follow through with the plans. So, I am either lazy or I don't really want to go where I say I do. This just compounds my feelings of despair. I may be both