Dallas

I got back from Dallas $1,000 richer. I went to a conference in Dallas and played much poker. I played both online and live. In a casino and in home games. The group I was with had a one-table tournament and I walked into a cash game hosted by a group of insurance salespeople that were also using the facility. In all, I won over 1,000 with $870 coming from the insurance guys. They may have been good at selling insurance, but they were terrible at cards.

Oh my aching back

I do not know why or how, but my back was killing me on Tuesday. As the day went on, the pain subsided. Still, I took a few days off from the gym. I have a meeting tonight and I will try to hit the gym afterwards, time permitting. If I cannot make it, I will do some Yoga.

The election went as I had envisioned. Even though the results were what we thought they would be, the election party was kind of sad as we did not pull as many votes as we thought we would. Dennis was truly out to remove Nancy from Council. Nancy and the Mayor were out to get Dennis voted out. So, there was a battle. I was on Nancy's side, and we lost that fight. Dennis used some dirty tactics and they worked. The party was kind of a downer though. It was quite different from two years ago when we were all big winners.

I spoke to Richard on each of the last two evenings. While we discussed nothing specific, he told me he is going to call me either today or tomorrow.

Yesterday was an up and down day with the cards. I fell into the trap of playing heads up poker again and lost $50. That sucked big time. I then played HU later in the evening and won $136. I then proceeded drop $53 playing O8. I just couldn't get the cards to come through, plus I play a few hands more than I should have. On top of it all, I did not work out this AM as I stayed up too late playing cards. I am going to try to workout this evening between working the polls and the post election party

Meatfest was a great success. The imu pit worked out like we knew what we were doing. The ribs were very tender and the chicken was cooked (maybe a little too overdone though) . The food though did not have any smokey flavor, but I guess that was easy to predict as it was steam cooked really. I think the next time we will marinate the chicken in italian dressing. The ribs were tastey though. The pork shoulder could have been done a little more (the temperature probe said 194 degrees, but after letting it rest, I took a reading and it was in the 180's so I do not know how accurate it was. It did not pull as easyily as I would have liked. We had 5 babysitters. Julia brought 3 friends, who can come back any time. They were great and were a real help watching the kids and helping the adults unload cars and other manual labor tasks. The race wasn't that exciting as Hard Spun dashed to the front and stayed there most of the time until at the end when he was passed by a hard charging Street Sense who ultimately won. Overall a good day.

I am starting to get back into the groove as far as my workouts go. My old gym is still not open, so I continue to go to the new one. It is not open as early as my old gym, but I can still get to work on time. I am really disappointed that the gym is not open as I feel I have gotten ripped off of two months worth of dues. I will have to wait to see what happens.

I have an appointment with a head hunter tomorrow. On the one side, I am not too excited as I have not had any leads from the two head hunters that I have previously spoke to, but maybe this one will be different. I will have to me more on top of this one.

The week is finally over. My motivation is starting to come back. I have a meeting with a head hunter next week. I will either redouble my efforts to find a new job or just quit looking a try to make this one better. For now though, I will concentrate on Meatfest 2007.

I bought my meat last night. 6 racks of ribs, 12 pounds of pork shoulder and 6 pounds of chicken. I will cook the chicken and the ribs in the pit. That will be an interesting experiment and hopefully it will work out this time. I am sure that it will. I rubbed the pork shoulder last night and plan on starting the cook sometime tonight. When the temp hits 200 tomorrow, I will foil it and put it in the meat cooler. I will also do a few fatties for snacking during the preparations. Tonight I will get the smoker ready and do some shopping.

I am starting to come back around. I have been in a funk over the last few days with the realization that the job at Richard's company may not materialize. The funk is starting to lift. I am now stuck somewhere between the two choices of seriously looking for something else, or just plugging along here. I am tilting towards looking for something else. I need to find out what it is exactly that I want to do and then I need to design a plan to get there.

That issue though has really been central to my physce for a long time. I really do not know where I want to go. I don't think it is here. There is no way for me to leave where I am though without knowing where I want to go. Some people may be able to remain stationary, but I am not one of those people, so I feel the urge to move forward. The problem is that I do not know where I want to move too, so I get frustrated. I constantly try to reinvent myself but never follow through with the plans. So, I am either lazy or I don't really want to go where I say I do. This just compounds my feelings of despair. I may be both

Slipping Away

I talked to Richard yesterday to inquire where we were in the job process. I was disappointed in the outcome of the call, to say the least. He informed me that they had to work through all of the details in staffing yet so they weren't sure where exactly where we stood. He also told me that my asking price was at the higher end of the range that they imagined. He said that he will be talking to Bruce by the end of the week and I should know something more by then. I am quite disappointed because I thought this was a slam-dunk offer, and apparently it wasn't. While I guess it isn't over, I do have to start looking in earnest again.

Looking for a job sucks. I feel so inadequate on the one hand, and on the other hand I feel that this whole process is my fault. I feel that I am stuck where I am because of the choices I have made that have lead me to my current position. My experience is in governmental accounting, and I think that is hurting my chances of finding something outside of that field. If I had made better choices and managed my career better, I would not be stuck where I am. Instead I took the easy road and here I am.

I have two choices. One, I can suck it up and continue what I am doing. Or, two, I can get back to finding a new job. My instinct is to just stop looking and continue to do what I am doing, but deep down I do not think that is what I want to do. The problem is that I do not know WHAT I want to do. My discontent may just be my normal disposition. I guess that is my next step.